I know that things have been really tough for you in the past few years, after all Detroit is a tough place to be, even in the best of times. I feel that I've been a fair and understanding person throughout the years, and I know that you have been there before. I'm old enough to remember when your great Uncle, Lee, was able to save your bacon by creating what I consider the first truly disposable car. The K car.
It wasn't a bad thing, considering the times. Now that I look back at it, it was what we really needed at the time. Thanks to large rental fleets and government purchases, it brought you back from the brink. So far in fact that you were able to make partnerships and acquisitions, like Jeep, that you would never have been able to consider before. I was glad that I could all still say “the Big-three” and know that you were one of them....but then things got a little shaky.
The Le Baron was a great call, no matter what people thought, I still loved you, even after all that crazy “Corinthian leather” and Maserati-editions craziness. I just attributed these decisions to the hangover that was the 70's and 80 for you. I was even willing to look the other way while you partnered with Mitsubishi for your smaller engines despite their known issues of gunk build up necessitating either a complete rebuild or replacement after just 80,000 or so miles. Love, it seems, will make you make some odd decisions.
I need to come clean with you about something. I was always attracted to you for your bodies. The long sleek lines of your Viper, the bold “semi” bodied trucks. Even your small cars seemed to have a quaintness to them. I'll never forget your Colt.
The problem was that I was not the only one that noticed your designs. Mercedes came in and swept you off your feet with their company, and as much as I told you that they only liked you for your looks, you wouldn't listen. Their Teutonic good looks and reputation were too much to resist for you. But drop you they did, just like I said they would.
I even gave you yet another chance when you showed me that you were changing and re-introduced the 300. At last something that lived up to your hard earned reputation from the glory days. As I mentioned previously, I'm not sure how it was for you, Dear Chrysler, but for me, your unique styles made up for quality issues. How could you be mad at a car that just looked so damn good? Everyone loved you. Business men, families, entertainers and even a few thugs thought you looked tough enough to hang with them.
I've seen your new interpretation of the 300 and it is....boring. The one thing I can no longer tolerate. The new model too away all of the dignified menace, the presence and all that made this such a wonderful car just to look at. Lord Vader will probably look elsewhere for his transportation needs. The power is still there, but you know what? Sometimes it isn't all about power.
Alas, times have changed, or rather, they haven't. Once again, you are being swept off of your feet by yet another swarthy European when you know how your adventures with those foreign guys from both sides of the ocean have ended up. Already he is trying to use you to convince me that the 200 is something besides a slightly warmed over Sebring! You threaten to bring in Fiat to meet my small car needs. Do you think we don;t remember the last time Fiat reared it's ugly head in this neighborhood? The grass stain is still in my lawn from that! I left it there as a warning to others.
No Chrysler. I've given you enough second chances. I've overlooked your shortcomings. Your high costs of maintenance and weird designs. (battery BEHIND THE WHEEL WELL!?Pervert.) I should have known better because of your lack of reliability. I can't take it anymore. I really can't. My heart is broken and you were the one that knocked it off of the shelf. Goodbye, I will try to remember you fondly. You can choose to remember me from afar, because I won't be back.